Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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