Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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