she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize