i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
