I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
