i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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