look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
