Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
