dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
