I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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