fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
