that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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