dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
