if you like me you must not know who I am
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
