is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
