Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
