from now on my penis is your penis
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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