remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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