i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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