Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
