Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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