i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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