They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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