My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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