I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
