I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize