guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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