If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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