i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
