bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
