maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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