Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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