it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
