who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
smell my finger.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
