every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
