Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
