I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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