Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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