I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
a search helicopter?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
