D3 body, D1 cock
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I party with great urgency now.
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