yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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