i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
