omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
