I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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