Im at strip club and am horny
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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