Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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