is your mom at the bar?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
