We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
