Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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