Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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