Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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