found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
