If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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