My sheets look like a crime scene.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
