I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
