It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
