I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
