I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
