guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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