I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you had me at cake vodka
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
