so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
