I wish I could teleport
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
