Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
