p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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