I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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