I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
