she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
