do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
