maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ladies don't puke and tell
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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