I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
