Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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