Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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