just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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