i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
