So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
