ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
