I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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