We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
