Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Green mimosas i think yes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
