Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
