I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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