I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
