Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
