great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
