i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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