The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
