Duck Duck Cougar?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
