I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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