who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize