I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
