Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize