Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
