My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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