There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
