We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
