My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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