tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
