Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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