I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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