I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
