does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
