Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
