Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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