dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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