I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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