Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
