We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
