u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
